I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter: Book Review

Defining "Living in the Hyphen"

"Living in the hyphen" is a term I've heard a lot of Latinx, YouTube creators use, but I feel it applies perfectly here. It means that a person, typically first generation, is trying to balance life in two very different nationalities. For example, I'm Mexican-American so "living in the hyphen" for me means I know who Vicente Fernandez is but I also know Frank Sinatra. I watched Lizzie McGuire growing up but I also watched Cómplices Al Rescate. Living in the hyphen goes deeper than television and music, though. It's about balancing two sets of social expectations, customs, and rules and that can be extremely difficult - especially for a teenager.

I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika Sánchez delves into some of the many challenges first generation children face when navigating life on American soil. To say I loved this book is seriously an understatement. While I found the plot fascinating and thought-provoking, I really enjoyed all the topics not typically covered in your average book.

Summary

No spoilers I promise - just a summary to get you interested in the book

Julia - pronounced "hulia" - is a first generation Mexican-American 15 year old girl and the main protagonist. The story begins after the tragic loss of her older sister, Olga, who essentially lived up to what is described as "the perfect Mexican daughter" in this book. She went to community college, planned on living at home until marriage, worked full time, cooked, cleaned, and went to church. She was quiet and respectful. Unlike her sister, Julia did not consider herself the perfect daughter. She was hot-tempered, swore, loved to read, wanted to go to a distant college, and had a rocky relationship with her parents. After Olga's death, Julia discovers some of her secrets, which just goes to show that what is on the surface isn't the whole story. Now, I refuse to give any more information in case you want to read it. Just know Olga has some serious explaining to do to Saint Peter.

Thought Provoking Topics?

While the plot of this book is set on discovering Olga's secrets, the book also delves into the Mexican-American culture. Because of this, I feel like I wouldn't do this review justice if I didn't discuss how this book made me feel and what thoughts ran through my mind as a Mexican-American woman. There were certain topics that were brought up during this book that truly resonated with me and that I felt needed to be addressed more directly. In particular, I'll discuss two, but obviously the book had several other predominant themes covered throughout the story.

As mentioned above, this book definitely discusses the phenomenon of "living in the hyphen." Julia had an extremely difficult time with this in particular. She actually wanted very little do with her Mexican roots and spent a lot of the book avoiding them. However, as it's an integral part of who she was, she felt their presence everywhere she went. Luckily for me, I did not have a hard time connecting with my Mexican roots, but the fact of the matter is I know people who have. When you live in a different country with such different societal expectations, it's easy to forget about the "others" expected by family members. It can be difficult to connect to a country that seems very distant - especially if said person has never been or has very rarely spent time there. I really like that Julia's journey throughout the book also involved the rediscovery of her heritage . Where a person comes from may not be the most important part of who they are, but it definitely plays a huge role. I also feel its imperative this was discussed as many books/movies don't do this issue justice. Sure, it's discussed on the surface on social media as memes (i.e., Mexican parents give their children curfews despite being in their 20s, Saturday mornings are for cleaning not cartoons, etc.), but it fails to acknowledge how some people may feel alienated from both of their cultures - something we see over and over again with Julia.

Just to touch on this a little more in depth, I want to discuss Julia's dislike of the Spanish language and the reason why. Throughout the book, Julia often mentions her love for English and words. She loves literature and understands the importance of a pen and paper. While she is very smart and at times condescending (more on this later), she admits she doesn't like speaking Spanish because it's challenging for her. She feels like she can't explain herself well and feels that people question her intelligence. This is something I'm very passionate about and I'm going to get on my soapbox for a quick second. Learning two languages is a blessing and it is hard. I can only speak on my experience and I am not by any means speaking on behalf of all of the Mexican or Latinx community because I'm only one person; but in my experience when Spanish isn't spoken "perfectly," some people **not all** shame those Latinx with less than perfect Spanish. Please do not do that! This further alienates people from connecting to their culture and can really affect someone's identify and ego. I see this with my students and Julia is the perfect example of this. It's important to remember languages are meant to bring us together not drift us apart.

Another topic of note is mental health. This is a very big part of the book as both Julia and her mom suffer from mental illnesses. This is also a controversial topic since mental health is still stigmatized in the Latinx community. Despite the very obvious mental health disorders in the story, the main characters didn't discuss it much with each other. This unfortunately is the reality in a lot of homes. While doing some research for this blog post, I actually discovered that Hispanics (especially Hispanic females) are at a higher risk for suicide or suicide attempts when compared to the White or Black community. I'm so glad that this book shed light on such an important issue. We as Latinx's must do better with mental health. We must be aware and we must advocate for those who need it. We need to deconstruct this mindset that mental health is taboo and do the work to ensure anyone suffering from mental health feels heard and gets the help they need.

Julia as a Character

I couldn't end this blog post without discussing Julia as a Character. I don't want anyone coming back and saying they hated the book because of Julia and blaming my blog for misguiding them. I will be honest: Julia is not the most likable character, but that's kind of the whole point of the book. The title is literally I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter. Julia is hotheaded, stubborn, condescending, and quite frankly downright disrespectful. She goes out of her way to be the complete opposite of what is expected of her and she often thinks the life she was given isn't good enough for someone as smart as she is. However, I think Sánchez did this on purpose. She wanted to tackle hard topics and dismantle a belief system that Mexican daughters must follow a specific set of rules that don't otherwise apply to the male counterpart. Now, I am not saying that these beliefs are wrong. I was raised on some of these beliefs and have adapted some as my own, evolved others, and completely changed my mind on some and that's okay. Every culture is different and every single person is unique. Julia may not be likable but her journey is what's important in this story.

Overall Thoughts

As I said before, I really enjoyed this book. It was a tough read at times, but it tackled hard issues. Again, this book does not represent every single Mexican woman or household or every single one of their beliefs - not by any stretch of the imagination. Nothing ever can. I do think the topics discussed are important to keep in mind, however, and I thought the book did a good job with this.

If you liked my book recommendation, consider subscribing to hear more. Sending you all my love and remember to travel even if its in your hometown, consider reading I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, and drink some rosé while you're at it! Until next time!

-Pau